Sick leave
2.35am.
Right this minute, I am hating my work.
And I hate myself because I know I am at fault.
I love my work, but its joys left me a long time ago, when I realized I am not working for myself anymore, but for my family, too. Which is a burden, especially if there is always pressure to earn money for bills I have taken upon myself to pay for.
Does this always happen to families? When you feel that you have given enough, and still feel that you haven't given enough to compensate for the sacrifices they've made for you? Or, more importantly, are you really obliged to 'repay' what others have freely given to you?
I am afraid to quit my work because:
1. I know we'll all end up in debtsville after I quit.
2. I am afraid of being dependent on my family again, at least financially.
3. I am going to miss the stress, excitement, and reprimands of my bosses.
4. Work has been part of my system. Why take it away?
5. Earning money makes you dream dreams you never thought would become possible.
I'm contradicting myself. I want to quit, but I won't.
I hate my work, but I hate myself more because I know that I shouldn't hate my work.
It's early morning, and I'm going through a 'phase' again (to quote miss rye). When the sun shines, you need to remind me that I just ranted, because I often forget I was NOT fine a few hours before.
OK, back to work.
Good morning.
Just a thought: Did I just say, "I love my work, but its joys left me a long time ago...."? Can love exist without joy? Hmmmm...
posted by Yema Adik @ 2:30 AM
4 Comments
4 Comments:
Off topic, but anyway... just reminding you about your yearbook write-up. Kung 'di mo pa nabasa yung e-mail, please submit your write-up to julei_angel@yahoo.com by FRIDAY. Last call na. thanks! :)
HAHA sobrang OFF the topic nga...
Yeah, I submitted mine last January pa. I submitted it at C&P's main office (sa Sta. Ana). Thanks for reminding me anyway. :)
Or, more importantly, are you really obliged to 'repay' what others have freely given to you?You, or rather we are not really obliged to "repay" what others, more importantly our families, have freely given to us. You can only give so much. I hope they do not expect us to give back to them what they have given to us. I mean, it is their responsibility - to give us the things we need. But do we owe them the same?
My uncle and I always discussed this issue and he always pushed the idea that ultimately we do not owe our parents anything. They were the ones who decided they suddenly want to create living creatures. But I guess we can give as much as we want but never feel obliged to do so. (Notice the term 'can' instead of 'have to'.) We should do it out of gratitude and not out of responsibility.
3. I am going to miss the stress, excitement, and reprimands of my bosses.Ah I am not surprised. You do love stress. It shows right through you. Hahaha.
Can love exist without joy? Hmmmm... Ah! My answer is NO. Even if everything that love brings is hurt and shit, one must admit that even the hurt and shit brings pleasure. Admit it, the are little things about your work that continually keeps you happy -the joy in the little things.
Hay si raissa nga naman, always the philosopher... oh! let's talk about you! hehehe. aba, nagtatrabaho ka na pala?? I'm sure it's hard. :)
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